o, then heading home to sleep off the excess. Everyone loves tasty food, and somewhere warm to sleep. Hot tubs, lovely food, log fires… we’re down with that. We expect these things from a skiing holiday; and that’s alright.
However, we believe that you can overdo the ‘luxury’ side of a skiing holiday – especially when it comes to your accommodation. Here are six examples of overdone decadence that we think are, well, totally unnecessary. But you may disagree.
1. Multiple butlers
We’re still unsure of what a butler does, short of opening doors, ironing the morning papers and caring for Batman, so why you’d need multiple men dressed as penguins is beyond us. Of course, maybe you like that sort of thing. Maybe you fancy yourself as some kind of evil genius who can’t function without an army of butlers. The rest of us came to ski, not design a bluebrint for a nuclear weapon.
2. Michelin-starred chefs
Having a live-in chef in your chalet is a thing of beauty but do you really want the hassle of dealing with one so accomplished they have a Michelin star? Imagine popping into the kitchen for a quick snack and encountering them. “Was dinner not good enough? Obviously not, you need more. I may as well quit now.” They’ll throw their apron down and storm out. You don’t want to be responsible for that, surely?
3. Chalets set in ‘an acre of grounds’
Forgive us for asking an obvious question, but is an acre of space needed? Aren’t the mountains tall and broad enough for you? Also, when would you make use of this aforementioned acre? You’ll wake up early, head out, stay on the mountains all day, enjoy a few hours of après ski then head home, repeat to fade, etc. Believe us when we say your dreams of frosty picnics and long, romantic walks after dark are just that. Dreams. Put your skis back on.
4. A hammam
Ever been to the Middle East? You’ll be familiar with the hammam: a large, steamy room where you can relax in a state of warm, wet bliss, pressing your tired body against the hot walls. In theory, this is an excellent idea for a skiing holiday to warm up your aching muscles. In practice, when will you have the time? You should either be sleeping, après-skiing, or skiing. ‘Sorry guys, I’d love to stay for another beer, but I’ve got a hot date with the hammam,’ said nobody, ever. Want heat? Put another layer on.
5. A disco
Let us stop you right there. Even if there are ten of you staying in a chalet, do you honestly believe that you can make the most of a home disco? You’ll gather together under the lights and you’ll all start to feel inexplicably sad as Uptown Funk starts playing. There are plenty of discos in town that you can enjoy, with other people there; people who you don’t live with. If we could, we would ban in-chalet discos. Nobody’s that popular. Not even you.
6. A chauffeured vehicle to take you to a ski lift
What happened to walking to the lift? Or skiing? Or not being driven by a chauffeur?
But if you do fancy a sensible level of luxury, you could always take a look at The Chalet Company’s 2016 prices and availability. We don’t have multiple butlers, michelin stars, or chaffeurs. And the closest we get to a Hamman is ham. But we do lovely ski chalets at a very keen price – and one of them, Chalet Evergreen, even comes with a hot tub!
This article was written in collaboration with Columbus Direct, who do wintersports travel insurance to help keep skiers, snowboarders, and chaletgoers safe on the slopes.