It all starts so well. You meet a fellow skier or snowboarder who mentions that they’ve got a couple of spaces in a chalet – and suddenly, you’ve enlisted a friend and booked some time off work. You can’t wait for your holiday. Luck’s on your side; even the flight is cheap. Then you arrive in the chalet and you realise you’ll be living for a week with some of the oddest people you’ve ever met.
We’ve taken the liberty of listing six of the worst people (or pairs) to share a chalet with.
The amorous couple
These two won’t do anything apart – ever. Rumours persist that they even go to the loo together. They ski holding hands (much to the chagrin of everyone behind them) and they’re forever patting each other underneath the table during dinner. Their conversation revolves around each other; they can’t answer a question without dragging their better half into it. They kiss while watching TV. They commandeer the sofa – and the hot tub. And late at night, after the last shot of Kraken Rum has worn off, you are awoken by the shrieks of what initially sounds like cats. It’s not cats.
Our advice for a quiet life in the chalet: Bring earplugs and be prepared to develop diabetes due to the intense saccharine levels you’ll be subjected to. And be kind – sometimes, these people don’t mean to be smug, they just are.
The Steve Jobs Jnr.
This guy prefers everyone to call him by his last name – he’ll go by ‘Woodsy’ if it’s Woods, etc. – and has a horrible quiffed hairstyle which he’s always fretfully tugging at as his helmet ruins it. Woody is the life and soul of the chalet – or so he thinks. He’ll tell you he works in ‘the City’ starting-up something vaguely ‘digital’, “like Uber but…”. He speaks loudly in a posh voice about being a hit with the girls but they all seem to avoid him, somehow. He claims he’s got the skills on the skis, with a drink in his hand, but then you catch him scudding like an amateur down a fairly easy run. Woodsy wears designer labels that his parents may have bought him and has a penchant for a polo shirt.
Our advice for a quiet life in the chalet: Smile and nod. That’s all there is to it.
The serial seducer
It doesn’t matter to the seducer whether you’re single, married, happily in a relationship or sworn off the opposite sex – they’ll have a go anyway. Prepare yourself for ‘accidental’ foot touching under the dinner table and late night visits to your room as they ‘want to borrow a charger’. Watching them work is curiously hypnotic – they’ve got a polished routine – until they turn their attentions to you. A word to the wise – if they manage to conquer your self-restraint, prepare for misery – the following night, they’ll be on to their next quarry and you’ll be a relic.
Our advice for a quiet life in the chalet: Even if you’re tempted, stay away. You’ll be the talk of the chalet at breakfast and it’ll make any post-ski drinks super awkward if they’re there too. If you absolutely must give in, do so on the last night.
The ‘excellent’ skier
Everything you’ve done, they can do better. Looking forward to tackling your first black run? They’ve done at least 80 of them and once they went so fast they broke the land speed record. Mastering a new trick on your board? Step back – they’ve been doing that since they were five. The excellent skier is a classic example of confidence vs. competence; oddly enough, you hardly ever see them on the slopes. Nobody’s ever witnessed these incredible feats. And they bust their ankle and shoulder on day three when they career into a tree. Witnesses will tell you ‘We shouted at them to stop, and they screamed that they didn’t know how.’
Our advice for a quiet life in the chalet: Be kind to these guys, as annoying as they are. They’re insecure and they could probably do with a friend – the chances are, they’re saying all of this to impress the rest of you. Just take all their claims with a pinch of salt, and away you go.
The deceptive drinker
She – normally a she – is slight, well-groomed and timid, with a lovely open face. You caught her reading on the plane and she speaks quietly in a refined, gentle voice. You’re surprised when she says she’ll stay for a half after the day is done – you’re sure she’d rather run home to her book – but at midnight, she’s still at it. You’re all collapsing all around her and a gaggle of guests are struggling to hold themselves straight and talking rubbish after challenging her to shots, but this demure lass is still going strong, with a serene smile. The next day, you’ll be a wreck, but she’s as fresh as a daisy and hits the slopes for 8am.
Our advice for a quiet life in the chalet: Don’t be fooled – you can’t keep up with her, and you’ll spend the week suffering, not skiing, if you do. Refuse all offers of a nightcap back at the chalet and take milk thistle on the final night before you go out.
But be rest assured, at The Chalet Company we give groups exclusive use of our Meribel ski chalets, at affordable prices, so there’s no chance you’re going to get left with any of this lot!!!