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Your weekly antidote to the real-life-news… and a delve into what is going on up in the Alps?!
NEW FCO ADVICE FOR BRITISH TRAVELLERS
Boris Johnson’s newly-appointed head of the UK Foreign & Commonwealth Office has issued new guidance for Brits holidaying outside of the UK.
After undistinguished careers as a semi-professional tobogganist and a Recruitment Consultant, Barrington St John-Smythe, who roomed with Johnson at Eton College, is planning a dramatic shake-up of the Department’s strategic direction. Said St John-Smythe: “We, at the FCO, are planning for a return to a time when passports are not required by British people. A polite yet firm declaration of one’s British-ness should be sufficient in gaining access to whatever foreign hellhole you deign to visit.”
In the coming days, he is also expected to row back on many of the etiquette recommendations issued to British travellers. “My grandfather, Sir Archibald St John-Smythe, travelled solo throughout the world in the 1920s and 1930s and if he needed to make himself understood, he simply raised his voice and repeated his assertion in English. If this still did not result in compliance, his riding crop and a swift flick of the wrist very quickly did the trick.”
When asked for his thoughts on the FCO’s new direction, Downing Street released the following statement: “It is well recognised that Prime Minister Johnson makes appointments instinctively with little aforethought and no sensible management plans going forward. It is the hope of this administration that Mr St John-Smythe does well and we do not have to make any further statements on this matter.”
Downing Street did, however, endorse The Chalet Company’s updated booking terms – citing them as “Flexible, convenient and reactive to the situation.” Jolly good!
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